So you go through nine months of religiously taking your vitamins, worrying about what you eat, going to checkups, maybe throwing up a little(…alright, maybe a lot) and after labor and delivery take home this little human who has no choice but to be dependent on you for EVERYTHING. Like you, I’d hate to mess this situation up. What’s the “stupidest” thing you can do?
There are many stupid things you can do and when you’re new parents you’re bound to make mistakes. Please avoid all the ones that are detrimental to health and life but outside of these, the worst thing you can do is place more emphasis on your child than on your marriage. It’s one of the “stupidest” things I’ve seen couples do after they have a child, to the detriment of the relationship.
It is such a tragedy because the birth of a child makes the marriage relationship that much more important. The preservation of the marriage that much more important because it isn’t just about the two of you anymore but someone else is now dependent on the success of the relationship.
“Do not neglect your marriage in the “busyness” of parenting. The birth of a child makes the marriage relationship that much more important because someone else is now also dependent on the success of the relationship”
Naturally a child does take time, energy and effort because there is so much they can’t do for themselves and there will need to be adjustments to the marital relationship to accommodate this new tiny person, however, we could really avoid much of the heartache associated with divorce by taking the time to work on and build our marriages. This is difficult because children create the dynamic of less time available to spend together as a couple. The question becomes, how do we work around that?
1. We make time for anything that is important to us so we have to make the time for each other. Hopefully, you’ve gotten into the habit of sending the children, especially young children, off to bed earlier than your bed time so that will give you an hour or two for something special. How about allowing grandparents to have an hour or two with the children while you go out for dinner once in a while (Check out ‘10 Fun and Cheap Date Ideas’)
2. What get’s scheduled tends to get done so if necessary schedule time together. (And I mean schedule dates, ‘talk time’, SEX, whatever you need to schedule to sustain your relationship).
3. It’s also great to have devotions and pray together as a couple separate and apart from family worship with the children as often as possible. This will help to knit your hearts together.
4. Spend a few minutes before going off to bed at night to share whatever is on your mind. This is easier if you go to bed together. (Check out ‘Why going to bed at the same time is better for your marriage’)
5. Ensure that both parents share in child care as much as possible so one person doesn’t become overwhelmed with child care.
Remember that if you build your life together on your child, you will feel completely lost in your marriage when they leave and this is why some empty nesters are unhappy or going through a divorce. A happy marriage creates a nurturing and stable environment for a child and the marriages of the future will also be protected when our children see us having fun filled and loving marriages and most importantly, God will be glorified.
What are some practical ways you make your marriage a priority after children? Do share in the comments below