How to know if your marriage is in trouble


Oh how I’ve missed writing on this blog! No I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth and no I’m not pregnant or any such thing. Here’s what’s up. My family and I recently went through a transition and I had some added responsibilities which completely sucked all my time, effort and energy, however we’re getting adjusted and I think it’s time to start writing again and I am feeling such an exhale doing this. I didn’t realize how much I missed this! And who would have thought I would miss this so much? I never enjoyed writing much growing up although I’ve always loved reading. God has his way of working on us and I believe the difference is that I thoroughly enjoy writing about my areas of passion and the things I’m learning and I’m so grateful you take the time to read and be blessed.

In the busy seasons of our lives and just the regular pace of life, it’s easy for there to be stress and strain on our marriages and if we’re not aware of the early signs of trouble and how to nip it in the bud, we’re in for disaster so I’d like to share with you some threats to marriage. We are aware of the numerous assaults the devil hurls at families and especially at marriages as that is the heart of the home. The best way to overcome an enemy is to be aware of his strategy.

So if you see some of the things I’m going to share present in your relationship with your spouse, beware. It may be time to talk about how you can improve your relationship or in severe cases, seek counsel and help.

First, if you find that there is very little display of affection, little positive interaction. There is no “I love you honey” no hugs and kisses, no “How was your day?” or kind gestures (or sex!). These little things make marriage pleasant and if they are absent, it’s time for change.

Another scheme of the enemy is to increase conflict between spouses and also to cause that conflict to be more negative than positive. So it is inevitable that couples will disagree on things but when these conflicts begin spiraling out of control, are not amicably resolved and last for extended periods of time, that’s something to take seriously and maybe seek help for. Very often, these conflicts cause feelings of contempt to develop towards each other. It leads to spouses losing that emotional and spiritual connection, a recipe for disaster.

Criticism is another thing that can really hurt a marriage. Criticism leads to marital suicide. No one likes to be criticized.


In a healthy relationship, the space is created where a spouse can, in a kind manner point out things to their spouse that may need improvement; this is called constructive criticism. However, constant nitpicking on your spouse’s faults and causing verbal battles is not healthy. Many times the best way to deal with a spouse’s faults to accept them, pray about them and love them through it.

What criticism can do as well, is to cause spouses to withdraw from each other and if we withdraw and stop communicating, then how can the relationship go deeper? That is death to a marriage as well. Criticism can also lead to a person becoming defensive. No one likes being attacked all the time so you may find that if you are overly critical, your spouse may become defensive and not even listen to what you’re saying over time.

This is definitely not God’s type of marriage. God’s idea of marriage is “that the two may become one”. So I’m bringing these things to your attention today because these issues are what is leading to the climbing divorce rate. It breaks my heart to see marriages falling apart when it can be helped.

The beautiful thing is that there is hope, there is help. God is a God of restoration and healing. So if you’re experiencing any of the things highlighted here, the first step is to acknowledge it and then make steps toward resolution. The happiest years of your marriage are ahead of you.

Here’s a quote to note:

“Stack every layer of criticism between two layers of praise” Nancy Van Pelt

quote-criticismLove and Blessings


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